i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
