btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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