Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
