you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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