and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
