Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
