he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
