holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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