she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
