I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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