So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
