Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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