I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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