I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
