I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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