i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
