I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
