He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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