My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
