:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
