So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
