sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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