if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
