My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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