1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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