Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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