That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
