Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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