Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
