Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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