did you get engaged???
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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