i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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