I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
