i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
