Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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