I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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