I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
