Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
