I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
