LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
