i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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