I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
