Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
