worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
