you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
