she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
