her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
