Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
