Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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