i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
