I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
